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Your co-worker tells you he/she has 8 body piercings...and none are visible.
You make over $250,000 and still can't afford a house.
You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
Your child's third-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
If you speak about "urban transit," you're besieged by attractive young women that want to "channel."
You can't remember ... is pot illegal?
You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian. You also know which Brentwood restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
A really great parking space can move you to tears.
A low-speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast
You assume that every company offers domestic-partner benefits, a fab exercise facility and tofu takeout.
You're thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between aromatherapy and conversational mandarin.
Your best friends just named their twins after her acting coach and his personal trainer.
Gas costs 50 cents a gallon more than anywhere else in the United States.
A man walks on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't notice.
A woman walks on the bus with live poultry. You don't notice.
Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 in the morning at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.
Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
The gym is packed at 3pm... on a work day.
If one more relative from back home asks you to take them to Disneyland, Universal Studios and a drive through Beverly Hills to see Julia Roberts's house, you're going to vomit.
The work day starts at 10am... or whenever you get out of your therapy session.
Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into B&D/S&M and your Mary Kay Cosmetics lady is a guy, in drag.
It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH '99."
You call 911 and they put you on hold.
You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:30 Tae-bo class.
Your paperboy has a two-picture deal.
The three-hour traffic jam you just sat thru wasn't caused by a horrific nine-car pile-up but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe lying on the shoulder.

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