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"BEST T-SHIRTS OF THE SUMMER"

1. (AROUND A PICTURE OF DANDELIONS) I FOUGHT THE LAWN AND THE LAWN WON
2. SO FEW MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME
3. I SUFFER OCCASIONAL DELUSIONS OF ADEQUACY
4. GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS
5. IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING
6. AT MY AGE, I'VE SEEN IT ALL, DONE IT ALL, HEARD IT ALL...I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER IT ALL
7. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS
8. I JUST DO WHAT THE VOICES INSIDE MY HEAD TELL ME TO DO
9. (WORN BY A PREGNANT WOMAN) A MAN DID THIS TO ME, OPRAH
10. IF IT'S CALLED TOURIST SEASON, WHY CAN'T WE HUNT THEM?
11. SENIOR CITIZEN: GIVE ME MY DAMN DISCOUNT
12. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG
13. NO, IT DOESN'T HURT (ON A "WELL-TATTOOED GENTLEMAN")
14. (ON THE BACK OF A PASSING MOTORCYCLIST) IF YOU CAN READ THIS, MY WIFE FELL OFF
15. I USED TO BE SCHIZOPHRENIC, BUT WE'RE OK NOW
16. (OVER THE OUTLINE OF THE STATE OF MINNESOTA) MY GOVERNOR CAN BEAT UP YOUR GOVERNOR
17. VENI, VEDI, VISA: I CAME. I SAW. I DID A LITTLE SHOPPING.
18. WHAT IF THE HOKEY POKEY IS REALLY WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT
19. I DIDN'T CLIMB TO THE TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN TO BE A VEGETARIAN
20. (ON THE FRONT) YALE IS JUST ONE BIG PARTY (ON THE BACK) WITH A $25,000 COVER CHARGE
21. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN......SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH
22. LIBERAL ARTS MAJOR...WILL THINK FOR MONEY
23. GROWING OLD IS INEVITABLE; GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL
24. IRS...BE AUDIT YOU CAN BE
25. GRAVITY...IT'S NOT JUST A GOOD IDEA. IT'S THE LAW
26. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
27. WANTED: MEANINGFUL OVERNIGHT RELATIONSHIP
28. THE OLD PRO...OFTEN WRONG...NEVER IN DOUBT
29. IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, SKYDIVING ISN'T FOR YOU
30. OLD AGE COMES AT A BAD TIME
31. IN AMERICA, ANYONE CAN BE PRESIDENT. THAT'S ONE OF THE RISKS YOU TAKE
32. FIRST THINGS FIRST, BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT ORDER.



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