Guidelines for Enlightenment
by Swami Beyondananda
1. Be a Fundamentalist--make sure the Fun always comes before
the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will
never be canceled. A laugh track has been provided, and the
reason why we are put in the material world is to get more
material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will
2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift, just
for entering - so you are already a winner!
3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision.
That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision
to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're
getting, we can simply change the channel.
4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop.
5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts,
thought particles tend to get caught between the ears,
causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to use
mental floss twice a day. And when you're tempted to practice
tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami's Absurdiveness
Training class: *Don't get even, get odd.*
6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and
truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no
mad at me. That way, there'll surely be nomadness on the
planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace
here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will
fit together to make one big peace everywhere.
7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the
future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice
is simple. When you find a fault, just don't dwell on it.
8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is
toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it
9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have
some bad news and some good news. The bad news is: there is
no key to the Universe. The good news is: it has been left
10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That way,
if you don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember,
enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. So we don't have to go
--- by Swami Beyondananda
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