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I was in the 8th grade and had a terrific crush on the prettiest girl in the class. Every Friday afternoon we had ballroom dancing in the gym. The boys were supposed to walk across the gym and bow and ask the girls to dance.

As usual, none of the boys wanted to do this, so the teachers would play some sort of grand march on the record player and force all the kids to get up and walk in a line until each paired up with a partner.

To my chagrin and embarrassment, I got paired up with the girl of my dreams. Unfortunately, I had been out playing in the fields during lunch hour and had managed to get some dog sh*t stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

As I reached out my sweaty hand to clutch hers for the march, she wrinkled her nose at me and said, "What's that smell?".

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