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Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

Women over 50 do not have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them. (SORRY, )

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 pounds.

My mind not only wanders sometimes it leaves completely.

The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

Just when I got use to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health. When my thighs kept rubbing together, they would set my panty hose on fire.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.

The trouble with women is that they get all excited about nothing (then they marry him).

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