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Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.

Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

Only item listed under Preventive Care is "an apple a day".

Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

"Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.

The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

With your last HMO, your birth control pills didn't come in different colors with little M's on them.

You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape... (scotch tape for "under achievers")


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