Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.
Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
Only item listed under Preventive Care is "an apple a day".
Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
"Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
With your last HMO, your birth control pills didn't come in different colors with little M's on them.
You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape... (scotch tape for "under achievers")
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