These comments come from test papers and essays submitted to
science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high
school, and college students. As the originator noted, "It
is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars
can create under the pressures of time and grades." Please
note that the original spelling has been left intact.
"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst
"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been
taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose
of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight
cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water
tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the
moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun
joins in this fight."
"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more
extinct it is."
"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through
"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
"Liter: A nest of young puppies."
"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
"Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative."
"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the
"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body
until the heart stops."
"For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has
not recovered, then kill it."
"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat."
"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."
"For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or, if a lady, rub
her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the
knees of the nearest medical doctor."
"To prevent contraception, use a condominium."
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