"Life is like a ten speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use."
- Charles Schultz
"Computers make it easy to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done."
- Andy Rooney
"Swallow a toad in the morning and you will encounter nothing more disgusting the rest of the day."
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base."
- Dave Barry
"The juvenile seasquirt swims the sea searching for a rock to cling to. When it finds a suitable spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain anymore so it eats it. It's rather like men after they get married."
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75% of the population."
- David Letterman
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but now I see I should have been more specific."
- Lily Tomlin
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
- Mark Twain
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
- Albert Einstein
"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the 'up' button."
- Sam Levenson
"Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened."
- Winston Churchill
"I stopped believing in Santa Clause when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."
- Shirley Temple
"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents."
- Nathaniel Borenstein
"I am the most anti-social person I know. But of course, I don't know anyone because I'm so anti-social."
- Derek Neitzel
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
- Will Rogers
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
- Groucho Marx
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