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Anarchy is better that no government at all.

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

Crazy people who are productive are geniuses. Crazy people who are rich are eccentric. But crazy people who are neither productive nor rich are just crazy.

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered and no one was there.

Just saying `no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way "Have a nice day" cures chronic depression.

War doesn't determine who's right but who's left.

"A city is a large community where people are lonesome together."
- Herbert Prochnow

"A word to the wise is unnecessary."
- La Rouchefoucauld

The future isn't what it used to be.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

George Washington's brother was the uncle of our country.

A seminar on time travel will be held in two weeks ago.

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defence.

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

"That place is so crowded, nobody goes there anymore."

The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.

A hen is an egg's way of making another egg.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live, taking the form of readiness to die.
- G.K. Chesterton

A foolproof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.

The Moral Majority is neither.

DEATH to all fanatics.

Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Today is the tomorrow you were so worried about yesterday!

You are what you eat.

Illegal drugs are the chlorine in the gene pool.

A "language" is a dialect with an army.

A classic is a book that is much praised yet rarely read.

A self-addressed envelope would be addressed "envelope".

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of coloured ribbon.
- Napoleon Boneparte

Man must exist in a state of balance between risk and safety. Pure risk leads to self-destruction. Pure safety leads to stagnation. In between lies survival and

Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant. The population is growing.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance

Only Users Lose Drugs...

Champagne for my true friends and true pain for my sham friends!

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.

I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through...

I started out with nothing...I still have most of it.


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