ON BEAUTY
"You could throw her in the river and skim ugly for two days."
--Granny,
The Beverly Hillbillies
ON WISDOM
"A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn."
--Banacek,
Banacek
ON INTELLECT
"What insight could you possibly hope to gain from a man whose I.Q. wouldn't make a respectable earthquake?"
--Diane Chambers,
Cheers
ON HISTORY
L.P.: "She's from one of California's first families."
Chico Rodriquez: "Oh, is she Mexican, too?"
--Chico and the Man
ON MATH
"If you've enjoyed this program just half as much as we've enjoyed doing it, then we've enjoyed it twice as much as you."
--Michael Palin,
Monty Python's Flying Circus
ON RELATIONSHIPS
"You're nothing but a tiny dot, a speck, a minute insignificant nothing. But I'm proud to call you my friend."
--Warren Ferguson,
The Andy Griffith Show
ON RELATIONSHIPS
"I've never felt closer to a group of people. Not even in the portable johns of Woodstock."
--Jim Ignatowski,
Taxi
ON THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO
"If you make it to one hundred, that fat weather guy will say your name on TV."
--George Utley,
Newhart
ON THE LEGAL PROFESSION
"It's not enough that all the lawyers are crooks. Now the crooks are becomin' lawyers."
--Donegan,
Kaz
