StatNisland: Even More Recognition Robert Sheridan FawCawnahs email@example.com
Anyone coming from StatNisland knows well the stigma of coming from Da Forgotten Boro, or Da Lost Boro, but we have finally gotten our due, at long last.
The Dec. 10, 2001 issue of Da New Yawka Magazine has a cover destined to become a collector's edition on the order of Saul Steinberg's 1976 painting "View of the World From Ninth Avenue," which showed the tall buildings and the traffic of New York in the foreground and the Hudson River separated from the Pacific by a short span of desert and buttes. StatNisland may have been of Steinberg's World, but it wasn't in or on it, never showing up on a map that went no further south than Midtown.
The new cover, by Kalman & Meyerowitz, shows a map of New York entitled "New Yorkistan," featuring NooYawk as she really is in this time of war with da tribes of Afghanistan.
Well, we got our own tribes, see?
We could start wid' da boro formerly known as Br**klyn. It's tribal areas include Flatbushtuns, Khandibar, Fattushis, and Fuhgeddabouditstan.
The former Queens shows provinces called Irate and Irant, Kvetchnya, Lubavistan, Extrastan, Khaffeine, the Wretched Kurz and Youdontunderstandistan.
Perturbia straddles the border between Br**klyn and Qu**ns. Outer Perturbia is the former Nassau County, right next to Cold Turkeystan, which neighbors Gadzhooks which adjoins Halibutz.
Further north in Queens is Al Zheimers, Le Frakhis, Spit, Snit, and Khantstandit. Veryverybad is next to Taxistan, which adjoins Turban Sprawl, just north of Harry Van Arsdale, Jr., Blvd.
Connecticut is Khakis and Kharkeez.
Rikers Island is Al Quarantine.
Bronxistan contains such bandit territory as Ptooey and Feh. Stay away from Yhanks and Upper Kvetchnya, close to where the Khurz rob travelers. Notsobad is the one good area.
In the former Manhattan, we can start at the former Battery, and the Wall Street area, now known as the Moolahs. The former Chinatown to the north is where the Mooshuhadeen live and rob. The Khouks cover a territory that covers Midtown to Central Parkistan, east of which is owned by the Bulimikhs and the Blahniks, after the expensive shit-kickers. On the west side, where the WTC used to stand, is Lowrentistan, next to Psychobabylon and Artsifartsis. Further west is Lesbikhs and Gaymenistan.
Da former Garment District is populated by the Schmattahadeen. North of that is Botoxia, Pashmina and Shatoosh.
Trumpistan is on the former Hudson, now called the Gribinez, after chopped chicken parts. Liberaci and Mutterers are further north. Harlem is Khlintunisia and Badassin. Columbia is Nudniks. Further north, if there is any such thing, are the Unmitigated Gauls.
The P.A.T.H. tube to Joisey has been renamed E-Z Pashtuns, leading to Chadorstore. Secaucus has been replaced by the Fashtoonks. The GWB leads to the Muzaks.
Let's see, did I leave any place out?
Oh, yes, I almost forgot.
StatNisland, Da Forgotten Boro, is the only location with a picture on it.
StatNisland, Da Desert, has been renamed, starkly and simply, "Stan."
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