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Friendship ~*Donna*~ Helgeson ~*Lady*Donna*~ Oh Liza, My Goodness what a beautiful story! It truly grabs your heart and soul.

I Thank You dearly for the lovely and comforting words about my friend Vivian. As you say, she's out of pain now and in peace and she sooooo needed it. Not only was she in physical pain, but very deep emotional pain. All in a little more than a year, she moved away upstate, lost her Mom to heart failure and then found out she was sick and ultimately, crossed over herself the other day. The physical part of her illness was rough. It was very rough but the worst of it all was how she felt. The reason she moved, and so far away, was because she felt uncared for and unloved. She argued with just about every one every where she went with the exception of me and one other person but I later found out that she even felt hurt by me because I didn't choose "against" the people she fought with. (We had many mutual friends.) I couldn't do that. I tried to love her unconditionally and love them as well but it sure is a toughy being in the middle. Hurt feelings are hard to recover from. It's most definitely possible but it's difficult. Due to all of the arguing she did, she kind of boxed herself in and I'm sure, felt like she was in a corner. After a while, she had no where to go and no one to turn to or at least so she thought. ALL OF US continued to love her.

When we found out that she was sick, we so wanted to be there for her but with the physical distance being so great it was hard. Her failure to release her anger was also another wall. She didn't want any of her old friends to be near her so we respected that and stayed away. I did call her though and I'm so glad that I did.

I've been told that even though Staten Island was her home for many years, she said that she wouldn't want to come back here "even if she was dead", which of course is the case now and so she'll be buried Friday, with a closed casket, in a strange place with no friends, I think 1 neighbor, and very little family as she hardly has any left.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching the last few days and I think that maybe she was so angry because she wasn't feeling well and just didn't know it yet. She had a good heart. A generous heart. She and I were close before her difficulties started and I will always cherish those memories. I'm happy for her that she's at PEACE and I'm sure that she is.

The Priest that she and I ran a local Bereavement group with is going to do a Memorial Mass here this Wednesday night for her....for us...her friends.

I'm sure that even though she didn't realize in life that she was well loved, she realizes it now. The Spiritual part of me is sure of that....

...but the human part of me so wishes she could have known that here too.

BUT, what we can't change, we accept, and move on!



~*The Journey Inward*~

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