Staten Island Web logo

This one is for all the people that bitched and moaned when I notified you all about the security glitch in IE4

Melinda's Wedding Bill Blues:
(who needs a prenuptial agreement when you've got a software license handy?)

Submitted for your perusal: "Hello, Melinda? It's Bill! sorry to bother you at work, but I need to run something by you before we finalize the guest list for the wedding.
"The folks in legal suggested we substitute something a little different from the usual prenuptial agreement. Just reach over and grab a Microsoft Software License Card from any package on your shelf. It'll help you follow the general structure of what they've come up with...."

Microsoft Marriage License Agreement
This is a legal agreement between you (either an individual or entity), the betrothed, and William H. Gates III. If you do not agree to the terms of this agreement , promptly return the engagement ring and the accompanying items (shower gifts, wedding invitations, Porches, and other items) to the place you obtained them.

a) Dedicated use. Microsoft grants you the right to access the Microsoft executive identified above, hereafter referred to as BILL 3.0, at your place of residence after business hours. You may accompany BILL 3.0 to industry trade shows PROVIDED you do so no more than once every thirty (30) days. However, you are restricted from blowing kisses, rolling your eyes, making rude hand gestures, or falling asleep during BILL 3.0 keynote addresses.
b) Transitory Use. Notwithstanding a), your continued use of BILL 3.0 requires you to have physical possession of an original marriage license (either this agreement or an equivalent designed by the State of Washington) at all times. While in transit, you may access BILL 3.0 from a public telephone, over a cellular network, or any other method you choose, so long as you otherwise comply with this agreement.

You acknowledge that BILL 3.0 is, in fact, owned by the Microsoft Corporation and is protected by the United States Constitution and the Propeller Head Protection Act of 1981. You may (a) make no more than one genetic clone of BILL 3.0 solely for backup or archival purposes, or (b) transfer BILL 3.0 to a cryogenic facility in the vent of an unrecoverable failure.

You may not transfer free use of BILL 3.0 to another party. However, you must transfer your rights under this Microsoft License Agreement on a permanent basis if BILL 3.0 requires an unscheduled upgrade. In that event, this license agreement will be terminated. You will return BILL 3.0 and all accompanying materials to the newly designated recipient of license. You may not decompile or disassemble the assets of BILL 3.0 for your benefit.

The BILL 3.0 package is capable of interfacing in multiple nodes. In the event of impaired functionality, you may not interface with another system or network, or loan, rent, or lease, or transfer your affections to another user except as part of a transfer or other use expressly permitted by this Microsoft License Agreement.

It is warranted that (a) BILL 3.0 will perform substantially in accordance with industry standard marriage manuals for a period of ninety (90) days, and (b) any physical facilities accompanying BILL 3.0 will be free of defects in function and condition under normal use and service for a period of one (1) year.

BILL 3.0's entire liability and your exclusive remedy shall be (a) return of the emotional price paid for Acquisition of BILL 3.0, (b) replacement of BILL 3.0 with a new mate that performs in a similar manner, or (c) a lifetime supply of Microsoft mice. Petitions for divorce must be returned to the Microsoft legal department with a copy of your Receipt. All Warranties are void if failure of BILL 3.0 to perform has resulted from a household accident, verbal abuse, or premature product release.
These remedies are not available outside of Redmond, Washington.

Microsoft disclaims all other warranties, either express or implied, including but not limited to implied warranties of performance, function, or fitness for a particular purpose with respect to BILL 3.0.

In no event shall Microsoft be liable for any damages whatsoever (including, without limitation, damages for lost sleep, interruption of social events, loss of companionship, or other pecuniary domestic losses) arising out of your use of or inability to use BILL 3.0, even if Microsoft has been advised of the possibility of such damages.

"Sounds reasonable to me ....Hello? Melinda? What do you think?..... Melinda are you still there?.....Melinda.....Melinda????????"

Staten Island WebŪ Forums Index.