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Quoteable Quotes Harry White hrwhite Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet,--- Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself, --- Roseanne
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place,--- Billy Crystal
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!" ---Dave Barry
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms. --- Elayne Boosler
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.--- George Carlin
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.--- Lewis Grizzard
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. --- Jeff Foxworthy
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.--- Robin Williams
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base. --- Dave Barry
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?--- Marilyn Pittman
Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.--- Bob Ettinger
My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."---Paula Poundstone
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh ---Conan O'Brien
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner. --- Lynda Montgomery
I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."---Richard Jeni
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. ---Johnny Carson
Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography. ---Paul Rodriguez
In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower? --- Warren Hutcherson
I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. ---Lily Tomlin
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: "This looks much better on." On what? On fire? --- Marsha Warfield
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ---Oscar Wilde
Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress.. But I repeat myself. --- Mark Twain

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