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Subject: New Chemical Element Discovered
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
investigators at a major US research laboratory. The element, tentatively
named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic
number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75
vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic
mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that
involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium caused one
reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would have normally
occurred in less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at
which time it does not decay. Instead it undergoes reorganization in which
the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange
places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass number actually
increases after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points
such as government agencies, large corporations, universities, and small
research companies. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed,
and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level
of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it
is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how
administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but
results to date are not promising. A new administration will soon be
formed to solve this problem.

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