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former mcdonalds employees Neal Mulligan neal karenmulligan@rcn.com The long awaited 1999 Darwin "Natural Selection" Awards - Criminal
> Section have been released! These awards are given each year to
> bestow upon that individual, who through isolation by incarceration, has
> done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
>
> RUNNER-UP # 8
> Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shot
> gun
> and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put
> the
> cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind
> the
> counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well,
> but
> he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
> robber
> said he
> was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't
> believe him.
> At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and
> gave
> it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was
> in
> fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from
> the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and
> gave
> the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They
> arrested the robber two hours later.
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> RUNNER-UP # 7
> A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there
> was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone
> and
> told
> the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and
> wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was
> arrested.
> -------------------------------------------------
> RUNNER-UP # 6
> San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
> walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny
> in
> this bag."
> While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
> to
> worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
> before he reached the teller window.
> So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
> After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
> Fargo
> teller.
> She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the
> brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his
> stickup
> note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that
> he
> would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
> Bank
> of America. Looking somewhat
> defeated, the man said "OK" and left.
> The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a
> few
> minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
> -------------------------------------------------
> RUNNER-UP # 5
> >From England: A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
> speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
> He later received in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his
> car.
> Instead
> of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Pounds.
> Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
> another
> picture... of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the
> fine.
> -------------------------------------------------
> RUNNER-UP # 4
> Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
> Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The
> prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in
> Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense", said
> Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in
> court.
> He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a
> packet
> of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute
> recess
> to compose himself.
> -------------------------------------------------
>
> RUNNER-UP # 3
> Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a
> convenience store in district court when he fired his lawyer.
> Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a
> fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that
> Newton
> was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and
> then said,
> "I should of blown your(expletive)head off." The defendant paused, then
> quickly added, "if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20
> minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.
> -------------------------------------------------
>
> RUNNER-UP # 2
> Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were
> showing their squad car computer felon-location equipment to children in
> a
> Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer
> asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license,
> they
> entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan
> because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a
> two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
> -------------------------------------------------
>
> RUNNER-UP # 1
> Another from Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
> nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
> When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
> -------------------------------------------------
>
> THE WINNER
>
> A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very
> expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things.
> Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without
> having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed
> a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the
> cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company
> refused
> to
> pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in
> the
> normal fashion. The man sued.... and won.
> In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was
> frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the
> company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and
> also
> guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it
> considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the
> claim.
> Rather than
> endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company
> accepted
> the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the
> fires."
>
> After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on
> 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the
> previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of
> intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in
> jail and a $24,000 fine.
>>



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