SI Prep for Life ~*Donna*~ Helgeson ~*Donna*~ firstname.lastname@example.org
I read what you said to Art. I run a Bereavement Support Group, and what Art says is true in a good MANY cases. ( I'm talking about the anger.) The denial you spoke of is also very normal. What one experiences depends on so many things. Like you, I experienced the denial. My Mom still does. She wakes up in the middle of the night...and for a moment there....waits for him to come back to bed.
It's all very normal.
Even though my Dad's bout with Cancer started 13 1/2 years before he passed on, most people didn't even know (until a few days before he did pass on) that he was sick at all. He didn't talk about it, and was in fact very very active. Sooooo when he did pass on....like so many of the others that loved him, I just couldn't seem to fathom the whole thing. I too felt him so close to him afterwards. I felt like he was still with me. I still feel him occasionally. Not often, but I do feel him. My Mother actually sees him. She sees him all the time too! For me, it's feeling his presence.
Anyway, re the denial, you have no idea how many times I went for the phone to call him or how many times I thought it was him calling me. He called my answering machine 2 days before he passed on....and I made a copy of that message for my Mom and brothers. On it he's saying my name over and over again....calling for me....asking me if I called HIM....which I had...but from a different location.
On the first day of my Dad's wake, I showed up at the funeral home and as I was going up the stairs of the funeral parlor, I looked to my left. Right there at the curb was a parked car that was EXACTLY like my Dad's. I mean EXACTLY! I know this is going to sound really NUTTY...but you know what I thought to myself? I thought.....Ohhh Daddy's here early! :-0 Can you imagine?????? My being late all the time was a constant focal point of conversation between us.
Ironically....I wasn't late ....that time. :-(
And you know what else I just now realized? They (whoever "they" is) call a deceased person the "late" Mr. so and so. One of the few times that I was on "time".....
my Father was considered "late".
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