The Shot Heard 'Round the World Dan Blaine DBLIVIT email@example.com
I think this excerpt from the Hoftopia Chronicles is apropos here:
Pleasant smells emanated from the crystal ball, the smell of roasted peanuts and crackerjacks, then the ball cleared and there was a bleachers view of Weissglass Stadium. "What the hell is that? ESPN?" asked Old Tymer. "I asked you to look in on the Mick and the Claxton Fruit Cake and you're watching sports!" she complained.
"No, this is the right channel, I just have go to back in time to see how this scene relates to the fruit cake." said Merlin. He fiddled with some controls and there was a view of the Mick coming out of J.R. "Jed's" shed with a pickax, a chainsaw, an axe and a blow torch.
The Mick had been tasked by Queen Regina to open the fruit cake and get the treasure map out of it. First he tried to cut it with the chain saw...no go...it just dulled the teeth. Then he tried to burn it open with the blow torch...again no help. He spit on his hands, grabbed the pickax and gave it a mighty blow...the axe rebounded off the fruit cake like a shot and almost took his head off. "This sh*t is like flubber!" he exclaimed.
In frustration, he picked up the fruit cake like a football and tried to drop kick it over the shed...the cake took off like a rocket...it cleared the shed the castle wall, the moat and rolled down Horrmann's Hill into the back door of cooper's shop at R&H brewery.
Timothy Lee, for whom Queen Regina had gotten a cooper's apprentice job at the brewery, saw the cake roll in and tucked it under his work bench. This job was OK, but it was taking away from his baseball playing time.
When the meister cooper, Pop Fassmacher, wasn't watching, Timothy had made a baseball bat out of the oak barrel stave stock. It was a great bat, but being made of oak, it was too heavy. Timothy started feeling of the Claxton Fruit Cake, boy, was this stuff springy! He immersed the cake in a barrel of mash and it soon became maleable. Timothy then cored the center out of his oak bat and using an adze, cut enough pieces off the fruit cake to stuff inside the bat's hollow core. He then plugged the top of the bat shut, sanded and varnished it and then using a woodburning tool carved his hero's name in it....BOBBY THOMSON.
This was a great day on SI! Because of the great rivalry between the NY Giants and the B(expletive expunged) Dodgers, it was determined that the final pennant race game would be played on neutral ground... Weissglass Stadium on SI.
Weissglass stadium was sold out, and people had paid for roof space on closeby local stores...Montanti's Saddlery and Molinoff's Hardware to mention a few (how about them apples..rs?...does this confirm your suspicion that I work for the C*A?)
There were Amway salesmen working the crowd like pickpockets, and Jehovah's witnesses wearing placards saying: "THE BRIDGE IS COMING, PREPARE TO MEET THY DOOM" and "THE DUMP IS COMING, REPENT!". Except for a few Jukes and Kallikaks from the South Shore who rooted for the Dodgers, the crowd was predominantly pro-Giants...after all, Bobby Thomson was a SI lad (although nobody has ever proved to me that he GRADUATED from Curtis).
The scheming city Irish owner of the Dodgers, O'Malley wanting to take every advantage went crying to the commissioner of Baseball and complained that this was not neutral ground, the crowd was decidedly anti-B(expletive expunged). He demanded a "GOTCHA" to be invoked whenever he chose. The commissioner acquiesed...he was already in O'Malley's pocket...O'Malley had bribed him to ban Pete Rose from baseball.
Timothy Lee took the #1 stinky Richmond Terrace red bus to Weisglass Stadium and made his way over to a knot hole in the fence that was behind the Giants dugout. He got the attention of his friend (and Giant batboy) Rootie Kazootie and told him to take this bat and give it to Bobby Thomson.
Rootie took the bat and placed in the rack next to Thomson's regular bat..he had left all the spares back at Coogan's bluff and was glad that to have a back up...his a** would have been grass if there wasn't a back up bat for B. Thomson!
The game developed into a real nail-biter. Finally it was the bottom of the 9th, the Giants were down by two runs and the first two batters, Don Mueller and Wes Westrum had gone down on strikes. To make sure of the win, O'Malley now called his GOTCHA...probably the greatest pitcher of modern times...the "KING" from the touring softball team: "The King and his Court"...Eddie Feyner (sp?). The Giant's coach, Harry O'Brien rushed to the mound and protested in vain..this was baseball, not softball!
Of course the commissioner granted O'Malley's GOTCHA...The KING would be allowed to pitch. Harry O'Brien wrung his hands in despair when a cry rose out of the crowd...THE HEIDLERS!!! SEND IN THE HEIDLERS!! Of course! Harry had forgotten the Heidler Brothers,one of whom had started a legend at Curtis by hitting a softball over the fence and on to the swimming pool roof.
The first Heidler brother got up and Eddie Feyner got him to hit a slow roller down the third base line...he should have been out by a mile but the Dodger third baseman, not being used to the softball, threw wide to first. Two out, man on first.
The second Heidler brother (the one who had hit the legendary shot at Curtis) hit a high fly into deep center field...the center fielder Ron Swoboda (don't forget this is cyber ball!) tried a basket catch ala Mays and the ball bounced off the top of his head. Luckily for the Dodgers, Carl Furillo had shadowed him on the play and with a rifle shot throw to the plate, stopped the runners at 2nd and 3rd. Still two out, runners at 2nd and 3rd and the Giant's last licks and down by two runs.
Now it was Bobby Thomson's turn at bat. O'Malley took out the King and replaced him with Sandy Koufax. The first pitch was in the catcher's mitt before Thomson got the bat off his shoulder. Thomson dug in deeply and managed to get a piece of the second pitch...but Koufax was so fast that his bat broke!
He yelled to Rootie Kazootie to bring him a bat...Rootie had no choice but to bring him the bat Timothy Lee had brought. Thomson took a few practice cuts...this was a different bat but what the hell, it felt pretty good. There was an outcry in the stands...the Jehovah's Witnesses were blocking the view behind home plate with their placards.
Thomson looked at them with disdain, faced Southwest and pointed towards the "Watchtower" Radio Towers behind South Shore golf course with his bat. There was silence in the crowd, Koufax wound up and threw his best right down the pipe...Thomson swung and.....
The last words Sonny Coreleone heard as he stopped at the toll booth on Marine Parkway in B(expletive expunged) were: "THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT!, THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT!"
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