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Hoftopia #42: Autumn Leaves - Hoftopia - The Cast Gina * Gina Here's what DBLIVIT says about it:

Topic: Hoftopia Chronicles: An Introduction and Cast
Conf: Hoftopia Chronicles
Date: Wednesday, October 28, 1998 02:19 AM

1. Is Hoftopia real?
No, it is an ongoing cyber soap based on events, places and imaginary characters in and around SI.

2. Who writes Hoftopia?

Anybody who wants to join in and contribute to the story is welcome to do so. They can either follow a hanging thread and continue it, or start a freshly numbered Hoftopia
Chronicle of their own. The writer may also twist an existing thread's plot to their own line or simply carry on where the thread left off.

3. Can I create my own characters?

Yes, you can create a purely imaginary character, or parody someone. The main idea is to keep it light and funny.

4. What about the setting: time and place, etc.

Since this is cyber soap, you can mix times and places up as much as you want: for example, you could have a war party of Leni Lenape Indians paying tolls on the V-N bridge.
The plot line should in some way tie to SI.

5. How can I get up to speed with the plot up to now?

The initial Hoftopia#1 started on 2/16/98 on the "Gathering" bulletin board. You can get to it by going to the main SI-WEB board, clicking on the "Gathering" and then scrolling to the bottom and clicking on archives for 1st 1/4 1998. It then moved over to the "Nostrivia" board. BTW, if you understand the whole thing...please the answer for the rest of us. (Douglas Adams claims it's 47...but that's another story!

There was an excellent page called "Hoftopia in a Nutshell" posted by Gina, but the URL "is no longer on the server". We are trying to get the webmaster to bring it back.

6. When can I start?

The sooner the better!

BTW: In the next day or so, I'll post a list of as many of the Hoftopia cast as I can remember, with a brief description of each. Someone mentioned they were into drawing cartoon characters and perhaps we'll see what these characters look like!....DAN (aka DBLIVIT)


Ma Fei Mai: a Shoalinn priest who is a master in the martial art of ChungKing.

Rugger Goodacre: SI's sheriff, bailiff and part time Sh*tpicker foreman.

Queen Regina: a.k.a. Lady Chatterley is the real monarch of Hoftopia and has just given birth to triplets named?

King Andrew: head of the Siimpletons, gained power and banished the annoymns to
Hofmann Island. He has been known to dally with:

Liza Brown, a milkmaid in the royal dairy and:

Ginger, a movie star with roots on SI. At this time she is at the SI drive-in movie with:

Curley, who met Ginger thru an ad posted on a bulletin board in a Stapleton Laundromat.
He is the proud owner of a Henry J convertible.

Goombah: the Queen's loyal body guard...smokes DeNobili cigars.

D.BLIVIT: a sh*tpicker's helper working at South Beach, when he works.

The Mick: a plumber from Ohio who now works for:

Hagar the Horrible, a.k.a. Haakon L., his Viking ancestors caused the Irish potato famine.

Rumpohlstilskin: a.k.a. rs, a San Francisco lawyer and former South Beach lifeguard.

Timothy Lee: a black kid and avid baseball fan from Sandy Ground who is partners with:

Doc Sunderson: the resident mad scientist and computer geek at Horrmann's castle, he and Timothy Lee are the manufacturers of a gel-like wonder salve consisting of Claxton Fruit Cake (a.k.a. Kake, Yankee) and R&H beer. The Kake, Yankee is obtained from:

Kolonel Ken Kleagle: head of the Klaxton Kake Kompany and owner of Tex-Mex restaurant on SI. His two loyal employees:

Lester Maalox who runs the Kolonel's Krispy Kooked chicken stand and Rufus Redneck: part time deputy of sheriff Kleagle's Kalhoun Kounty gestapo squad.

Gulagann: she is head of the Gulag on Swinburne's Island where she was shipwrecked due to the incompetent theoretical seamanship of the SS Minnow's captain:

BarNACLe Bill: a.k.a. old nacl: a real sea going ex-swabbie as opposed to:

The Airdale Boyz, Charlie and Lee who never wore a black shoe in their lives. They own a Stinson 108 Voyager with which they ferry ahbeetz and crumbuns over the SI wall:

which divides the North shore and South shore at the 38th hole of the miniature golf course on the NE corner of New Dorp Lane and Hylan Blvd. The wall line was surveyed and
mapped by:

Joe L. Plumbob, who refused any sort of gerrymandering bribes in laying out the wall. Thus, the North Shore got the V-N bridge and the South Shore got the Fresh Kills dump...and both thought they got the best of the deal!

Walter L. Chronical: the ace reporter for the SI Retreat, that is owned and published by S.I. Greedhouse and instead of having an internet connection relies heavily on gossip
obtained from:

Miriam: a.k.a. Mata Hari who is good enough to post excerpts from the SI Retreat for the rest of us exiles. Up to now she has not been able to scan in any pictures taken by the SI
Retreat's ex-paperboy and consignment photographer:

Bob Crachit: he was fired by S.I. Greedhouse for refusing to kick back his S.I. Retreat paper route Christmas tips to S.I. He was hired back as a photographer (on consignment)
when S.I. discovered he owned a brownie camera. He took the job because his sickly son:

Tiny Tim: had to order a Charles Atlas dynamic tension course from the back of a Captain Marvel comic book and with the help of the course, became a real "man's man".

The Greenman: the gardener at Horrmann's castle and part owner of a Ford Prefect with:

Donna the Diviner: she owns a combo Ouija/Oneill boogie board and after completing a seminar in Cassadega, Florida hopes to buy a franchise in a Sesame Street Seance Center.

Marianne: a survivor of the shipwreck on Swinburne Island, she now owns a home in Bullshead where she sifts sand in her backyard sandbox.

Uncle Cornelius: the deceased wealthy uncle of King Andrew and is purported to have buried treasure on the grounds of Horrmann's castle.

The Professor: an expert on Shakespeare who was also a survivor of Gulagann's Gulag on Swinburne Island.

Broke Loser: a defrocked Amway distributor who was banished to Hofmann Island along with:

List Keeper: a disgruntled Florida ex-SI'der who refused to distribute the SI picnic list because he had already sold it to Broke Loser as a list of hot prospects.

Naughty Nick: the deposed King of SI. King Andrew banished him to Hofmann Island also.

Merlin: the old druid barbershop singer who lives in the Indian cave at Clove lakes. At one time he harbored a known criminal and her accomplice:

Margie Mercyxx: a world class cyclist who was able to free the much maligned and falsely accused last but not least character of the old board's Hoftopia cast:

OT: a.k.a. Old Tymer and Queen Mum who has just come back from on tour in Alaska where she played "The Blue Angel" and "The Dragon Lady" in another story.

Marlon Bloato: came to SI on a Harley motorcycle to star in SI's most famous movie. Is now employed as a drag sled at the Weissglass stadium Saturday night tractor pulls.

Richard Raven (new): A SI banker and embezzler (as it turned out) who is engaged to OT, in this case a "Bird in a Gilded Cage".

Charlton Hairsuit (new): President of the NRA (Nimrod's Retentive Analysts). Tried to invade SI from Hoffman's Island and was captured and sentenced to life imprisonment at Richmond County Jail.

Willie Sutton (new): Charlton Hairsuit's cell mate and the SI's most famous criminal.

Jocko: a temporary resident of Barrett Park Zoo.

Any resemblence to real people living or dead, is purely intentional and should be taken in the vein it was light parody.

If I've left any out: please post...Thanx, D.BLIVIT


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