1. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.
2. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
3. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe we are above-average drivers.
5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11, except me.
6. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
7. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
8. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
9. If God really decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
10. You should not confuse your career with your life.
11. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
12. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
13. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
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