Staten Island Web logo




Stupid Criminal # 1


A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and
mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The
policeman taking the report called the phone and
told the guy that answered that he had read the ad
in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They
arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

Stupid Criminal # 2

Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on
trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had
been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said
the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge"
in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun.
Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be
wearing the same jacket that day in court. He
handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge
discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and
laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to
compose himself.

Stupid Criminal # 3

Oklahoma City-Dennis Newton was on trial for the
armed robbery of a convenience store in a district
court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district
attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a
fair job of defending himself until the store
manager testified that Newton was the robber.
Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying, and
then said, "I should have blown your head off." The
defendant paused, then quickly added, "if I'd been
the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes
to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year
sentence.

Stupid Criminal # 4

R.C. Gaitlan, 21 walked up to two patrol officers
who were showing their squad car computer equipment
to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he
asked how the system worked, the officer asked him
for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers
license, they entered it into the computer, and
moments later they arrested Gaitlan because
information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted
for a two year old armed robbery in St.
Louis,Missouri.

Stupid Criminal # 5

A guy walked into a little corner store with a
shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash
drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted
behind the counter on the shelf. He told the
cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused
and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused
to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At
this point the robber took his driver's license out
of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact
over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The
robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the
name and address of the robber that he got off the
license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

Stupid Criminal # 6

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted,
"Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.

Stupid Criminal # 7

A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very
rare, very expensive cigars insured them against
fire among other things. Within a month, having
smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without
having made even his first premium payment on the
policy, the man made a claim against the insurance
company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars
were lost "in a series of small fires." The
insurance company refused to pay, citing the
obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars
in the normal fashion. The man sued.... and on.
In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the
claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from
the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it
would insure against fire, without defining what it
considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was
obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a
lengthy and costly appeal process, the
insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the
man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the
fires." After the man cashed the check, however,
the company had him arrested on 24counts of arson.
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the
previous case being used against him, the man was
convicted of intentionally burning his insured
property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

Stupid Criminal # 8

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all
yur muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached
the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After
waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read
it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then
called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank
of America.




Staten Island WebŪ Forums Index.