Staten Island Web logo



Robotic Barbie
Hey, kids, experiment with an autonomous
two-legged walking machine! After falling over she says "Control theory is hard. Damn these spike heels anyway!"

Sister Mary Barbie
This spiritual Barbie comes with jointed knees and neck for genuflecting and praying, mini rosary beads, a mini bible and a black sequined nun's habit (after all, she's still Barbie). Pull the string on her back and she says nothing because she has taken a vow of silence.

Rabbi Barbie
So, why not? Women rabbis are on the cutting edge in Judaism. Rabbi Barbie comes with tiny satin yarmulke,
prayer shawl, teffilin, silver kiddush cup, Torah scrolls.
Optional: tiny mezuzah for doorway of Barbie Townhouse.

Administrator Barbie
Works twenty hour days for little pay (80% of Administrator Ken's salary), and is the lowest on the totem pole despite being the one that actually runs the group. Comes with mini laptop. Pull the string on her back and she'll schedule a meeting with your other dolls, replace the toner cartridge in the laser printer, coordinate a reorganization and a move, and order airline tickets for Administrator Ken.

Temp Barbie
This smartly dressed, intelligent, hardworking and enthusiastic Barbie is ready to go right out of the box,
but usually goes untouched for at least a day while everyone tries to figure out why they bought her. Pull the string on her back and she'll stuff envelopes indefinitely, all the while wondering why she got a liberal arts degree. Comes
with mini resume and mini filing cabinet filled with the past five years worth of US Tax Code revisions which need to be collated.

Ripped-Off-In-The-Divorce-Settlement Barbie: Pull the string on her back and she unloads a torrent of insults and death threats for her ex's new wife. Comes with a hatred for all men, and a Malibu Barbie tan (except for a white band on the ring finger of her left hand).

Twelve-Step Barbie
Pull the string on her back and she says,
"Hi, I'm Barbie and I'm an alcoholic." comes with a "One Day at a Time" bumper sticker, a 30-day chip and a pack of smokes.

Birkenstock Barbie
Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal
feet and comfortable, if ugly, sandals. Made from recycled materials.

Blue Collar Barbie
Comes with overalls, protective goggles,
lunch pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and pay scales for women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits
and cashier's aprons may be purchased separately for Barbie's who are holding down second jobs in order to make ends meet.

Dinner Roll Barbie
A Barbie with multiple love handles,double chin, a real curvy belly, and voluminous thighs to show girls that voluptuousness is also beautiful. Comes with a miniature basket of dinner rolls, bucket o'fried chicken, tiny Entenmann's walnut ring, a brick of Breyer's ice cream, three bags of Wise potato chips, a T-shirt reading "Only the Weak Don't Eat", and, of course, an appetite.

Trailer Park Barbie
Comes complete with hair in rollers and pregnant. Accessories include two toddlers. When you pull the string on her back she asks where her government support check is. Some Trailer Park Barbies come with surprise Ken or G.I. Joe since they often give her surprise visits when they come into town.



Staten Island WebŪ Forums Index.