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SubTitle: The Blue Angel at Gwennie's
Posted by: DAN BLAINE (100.53680@germanynet.de) on 6/01/1998@00:00hrs:
"Pack up all my cares and woes, here I go singing low, Bye, bye Goombah!" sang D.BLIVIT as he peddled his bicycle toward Gwennie's place. He couldn't believe his luck! Not only had he managed to escape from SI, he had been given 4 wooden tokens good for one free drink each at Gwennie's B&B. (B&B = bar&bordello)
He still couldn't figure out why the owner, Ronnie, had taken such a liking to him. He just walked over to B.BLIVIT's table and said: "Excuse me, I heard your accent and I was wondering if you were from SI?" D.BLIVIT's intial reaction was to deny it...he was worried that the Goombah's family had traced him here from SI. How the hell was he supposed to know that the box of DeNobilis, aka G(ethnic slur)stinkers were used as cigars? The Greenman had told him to fertilize the flowerbeds on the castle grounds and he thought the DeNobilis were concentrated sticks of fertilizer to be ground up and then sprinkled on the plants. He should have suspected something when the flowers were all dead the next morning.
Anyhow, he managed to stow away on a freighter tied up at pier 4 in Tompkinsville and after a few weeks wound up on the waterfront in Anchorage, Alaska. The annual salmon run was on with Kings and Cohos running up between the muddy banks of Ship's Creek. D.BLIVIT couldn't believe that such large, beautiful fish could be caught in such a murky, narrow creek with 20yard wide mud banks at low tide. Why, you could cast a spoon across the creek with ease! He was surviving by cleaning fish caught by the rich tourist fishermen and shared an shed with his benefactor, Tillamook Tom. Tom expected him to do his share of the work, but gave him in return food, shelter and an old bicycle so D.BLIVIT could get around.
D.BLIVIT, being a tinker and sailor but not a tailor (never could sew worth a damn) was soon attracted by the bright lights and honky-tonk music that came out of Gwennie's B&B that was on the bluff overlooking Ship's Creek. One day, on the neap tide when the salmon run had slacked off, D.BLIVIT rode his bicycle up the hill to Gwennie's. He didn't have a dime to his name but figured he could BS someone into buying him a few drinks.
He soon had a group of spellbound listeners around his table that he regaled with tales of a prosperous and golden island on the other side of the continent in a kingdom known as HOFTOPIA. At this point the owner, Ron (usually called Ronnie) approached him with the free drink tokens. He assured D.BLIVIT that the tokens had no strings attached, and since he came from SI, he could redeem them in the "General Joe Hooker" room upstairs because Hooker had also been a SI'der. He suggested however, that D.BLIVIT might want to get a bath and shave across the street, because he did smell kind of fishy.
Jawboning 25cents from Tom, he got himself bathed (as clean as a former Sh*t picker can be) shaved, and with bay rum applied on his cheeks, he locked the bike in front of Gwennnie's and went up the back stairs to the General Joe Hooker room. Knocking on the door, a peephole opened and a sultry voice said: "Was wollen Sie?" (in SI talk...whadyawant?)
D.BLIVIT held the wooden drink token up to the peephole and whispered: "Ronnie sent me." The door opened immediately and the Blue Angel grabbed the wooden token out of D.BLIVIT'S hand, stuffed it into her bra and jerked D.BLIVIT into the room all in one motion!
This notorious femme fatale, who had destroyed a SI Shakespearean professor's reputation by forcing him to cheat on the $64,000 question now had a fresh fish! (this could also be taken literally, because D.BLIVIT had not quite gotten rid of all the fish odor.)
After seating D.BLIVIT at a stage front table, she jumped up on the piano and told Tiny Tim to start playing "Fallink in Luf Again". In the same motion she snapped her fingers at Gus, the Greek waiter and had him bring a bottle of Gran Spumante to D.BLIVIT'S table.
M.D. (aka Marlene or Marcene, depending on how you interpreted her sultry accent) crossed her long, encased in blue silk stocking legs, tilted her top hat and looked at D.BLIVIT while fluttering her long eye lashes and singing: "I'm fallink in Luf again, vas am I to do?...Ich can't hilf it!"
After a few more numbers including "Lili Marlene", D.BLIVIT'S supply of wooden tokens was exhausted and Gus the Greek was presenting him with a paper to sign (written in Greek). The Blue Angel, who was now sitting at D.BLIVIT'S table looked deep into his eyes and said: "Bitte, Unterschreiben's Sie sofort, Liebling!" (please sign it immediately, darling). D.BLIVIT, like all swabbies, was hooked! He asked the Blue Angel for a pen...but she didn't have one because in her youth she had defaced school property and was not allowed to ever possess a writing instrument again! Would this loophole allow D.BLIVIT to escape from the Blue Angel's clutches? Tune in the next time to find out...