|
|
SubTitle: In the land of cotton
Posted by: DAN BLAINE (100.53680@germanynet.de) on 5/11/1998@07:13hrs:
Doc Sunderson also heard the WOR special report concerning OT and Margie Mercyxx...but he had more important things on his mind. He had made a breakthrough in his research concerning the Claxton Fruit Cake and R&H beer mixture, but before going public, he needed confirmation that Timothy Lee would be able to secure Claxton Fruit cakes in quantities large enough to start manufacturing of the product.
Just then, the repairman from AAT electronics informed him that his fax machine was fixed and there was some incoming data now coming out of the machine. Doc paid the technician up front (AAT gave no credit, nor did they take credit cards) and hurried over to the fax machine:
It was a report from Timothy Lee; in was in diary format and slow reading...Doc wished he'd get to the point, but that wasn't Timothy's way...he wanted to include all the details:
After being picked up by Greenman Steve Soul and Donna the Diviner, they continued heading South on US1. All were hungry for a good SI hero sandwich, but there were no hero shops along the highway.
True, they saw plenty of Goodwill stores which the Southerners called "Po' Boys" and piano stores selling Hoagies (after Hoagie Carmichael, they assumed), but no hero sandwich shops. They stopped at a Piggly Wiggly supermarket that displayed something that looked like a hero in the window, and had written underneath it" "Strictly Cosher" (the southeners were trying to improve their image by spelling some words in the Yankee fashion...so they thought!) Of course, Avrim being strictly Orthodox refused to even go in a place named "Piggly Wiggly".
So they subsisted on provisions out of the picnic hamper. There was plenty of Ahbeetz, Calzone, Pasta Fasole (fazool), kosher capacola (gobba goo), Keiber's horse radish, Kaiser rolls, crumb buns and some Danishes from Holtermanns'.
As they crossed the Georgia line there was a billboard saying: "Welcome to Kalhoun Kounty Kountry...Kolonel Ken Kleagle, sheriff. The next billboard said: "Only 10 miles to the Klaxton Kake Kompany factory outlet, we hope to see y'all soon...If y'all pass us, don't worry! Our escort service will bring y'all back. Y'all have a nice day!
Greenman Steve, who had been driving since the Carolinas was drowsing at the wheel and the other travelers were fast asleep, when he was woken up by a loud siren from behind. He saw flashing red lights high above the back of his Ford Prefect. A pickup with huge tires pulled in front of him as he pulled onto the shoulder of the road. Out of it jumped deputy Rufus Redneck with a .357 magnum in a two handed grip pointing (and almost touching) the Greenman's forehead!
"Y'all know that y'all passed the Klaxton Kake Kompany's factory outlet without stoppin?" Let's see y'all's license. As Steve dug in his pocket, Timothy whispered to him: "hand him this with the license." It was a piece of Nunzio's ahbeetz with anchovy topping. When Rufus Redneck saw the pizza, he started to woof it down, but when he saw the anchovies, he said: "What's all these little minners on this heah? I don't hold no truck with minners on my pizza!" Quickly Timothy handed Greenman Steve another piece. Rufus inspected it closely and said: what's this on heah now? The Greenman said: "That's scungilli...try it, you'll like it." Rufus replied "Squinjeel? That's sumthin ah've never heard of!...it ain't fish is it?" "No, try it, you'll like it!" Said Steve who relaxed a little as Rufus put down his pistol and proceeded to inhale the ahbeetz in one gulp.
"Burrp!...That wan't too bad...suppose y'all just foller me back up the road to the factory outlet...I'm sure Kolonel Kleagle will have something you'll WANT to buy." said Rufus.
At that moment, the !@#$%%$#@! fax machine jammed again and Doc Sunderson shook his head and went back to listening to the on going
radio reports of the white Ford Bronco that had now crossed the Bayonne Bridge and was heading North along Richmond Terrace flanked by
green and white 120th precinct cruisers, with cops threatening the Bronco's inhabitants by shaking toilet plungers (plumber's helpers) out of their car windows...