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Posted by: Bruce (hkello@mail.nospam.tn.us) on 3/26/1998@12:34hrs:
In Reply to: Dumb Cannibal Jokes posted by: DAN BLAINE on 6/06/1997@05:18hrs:
Cannibal Jokes (The COMPLETE List) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?" Two cannibals are eating a missionary. One starts at the head and the other starts at the feet. After a while one says to the other, "How are you doing?" The other replies, "Oh, I'm having a ball." The first one says, "Well slow down, you're eating too fast." Did you hear about the cannibals who were playing cards in the jungle, and one of them threw up a perfectly good hand? That reminds me of the cannibal who passed his friend in the woods. Did you hear about the two cannibals who got into an argument? Looks like one of them bit off more than he could chew. Did you hear about the guy who was collecting ashes from crematoriums? He was selling them to cannibals as porridge. Did you hear about the cannibal that threw up his arms. Did you hear about the cannibal who had a wife and ate kids? Did you hear that cannibals use teflon pans so guests won't stick around after dinner? Did you hear that the United Nations is investigation a cannibal tribe? They think they might have been selling arms to Iraq. Did you hear about the mother cannibal who did not like her son's friends? He told her to just push them aside and eat the main course. Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school for buttering up his teacher? Did you hear what was served at the wedding reception of two cannibals? Finger food and mixed nuts. Did you hear about the funeral of the cannibal? Open casket, with a buffet afterwards
Did you hear about the little boy cannibal who complained to his mother that he hated his sister's guts. His mother told him to shut up and eat what's in front of him. Did you hear about the little girl cannibal who asked her mother, "When are we going to have cousin Edna for dinner?" Her mother told her, "Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet." Did you hear about the little boy cannibal who asked his mother, "Why do I have to hop everywhere?" Said the mother cannibal, "Shut up or I'll eat the other leg, too." Said the Mama cannibal to her family at the dinner table, "Shut up and eat your soup before it clots!" Said Papa cannibal to Mama cannibal: "Grandpa has an awful bruise on his leg!" Said Mama cannibal to Papa cannibal: "Shut up and eat around it!" Said the cannibal to his friend, "Come by the hut around 3:00, I'll keep an eye out for you." Q. What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? A. "I don't know about you, but I'm having a ball!" Q. What did the cannibal say to the missionary? A. "Hey pal, what's eating you?" Q. What kind of Shampoo do cannibals use? A. Head and Shoulders. Q. What's a cannibal's favorite TV commercial jingle? A. "My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R, ..." Q. Why did the cannibal keep testicles in the fridge? A. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A. He wiped his butt. Q. What do you call a dismembered person in a cannibal's freezer? A. Cold cuts. Q. What did the cannibal do when he finished his vegetables? A. He threw away their wheelchairs.
Q. What did the cannibal say to Lorena Bobbit? A. "Excuse me, but are you gonna eat that or throw it out?" Q. What did the cannibal say to Pee Wee Herman? A. "Hey! Stop playing with my food!" Q. When do cannibals leave the table? A. When everyone's eaten. Q. What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show? A. A celebrity roast. Q. Where do cannibals shop for fine furniture? A. Eatin' Allen's. Q. What did the cannibal give his wife for Valentine's Day? A. A box of farmer's fannies. Q. What do cannibals eat for dessert? A. Chocolate-covered aunts. Q. What do cannibals make out of politicians? A. Bologna sandwiches. Q: Why did the cannibal have a blender on his front porch? A: So he can greet people with a hand-shake. Q. What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner? A. The cold shoulder. Q. What is a cannibal's favorite game? A. Swallow the leader. Q: Why was the moving van outside of the cannibal's house the other day? A: He needed more elbow room. Q. Have you heard about the cannibal restaurant? A. Dinner costs an arm and a leg. Q. Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food? A. He ordered a pizza with everybody on it. Q. Why did the cannibal get indigestion? A. He ate someone who didn't agree with him.
Cannibal: One who loves his fellow man with gravy. Cannibal's recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man. One cannibal to another: "I never met a man I didn't like." Two cannibals were sitting by a fire. The first says, "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law." The second replies, "So, try the potatos." The first cannibal asked the second cannibal, "Aren't you done eating yet?" The second cannibal replied, "I'm on my last leg now." One day a cannibal visited the neighboring island of cannibals. There, ordinary people cost $2, but politicians cost $25. The visiting cannibal asked, "How come politicians cost so much?" The chief answered, "Do you know how hard it is to clean one of those?"
A man gets captured by cannibals and every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
A tribe of cannibals took over an office building. The head cannibal
gladly swallowed the CEO. From that day on, the deceased leader was
referred to as the commander-in-chief.
Two cannibals, a father and son, were selected by the tribe to go out
and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited
by a path. Before long, a little old man came waddling down the path.
The son said, "Ooo Dad, there's one." "No," said the father.
"There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll
just wait." A short time later, along came this really fat man. The
son said, "Hey Dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said.
"We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just
wait." About an hour later, an absolutely gorgeous woman came
strutting down the path. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong
with that one, Dad. Let's eat her." "No," said the father. "We'll
not eat her either." "Why not?" asked the son. "Because, we're going
to take her back alive and eat your mother."
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal chief said, "The bad news is we're going to
eat you and use your skins to make canoes. The good news is you can
choose how you want to die." The Frenchman said, "I vill take the
sword." He then shouted, "Viva la France!" as he plunged the sword
into himself and died. The Englishman said, "I would like a pistol."
He then said, "God save the Queen!" and shot himself. The New Yorker
then asked for a fork. The cannibal thought this was very strange but
gave him the fork. The New Yorker then proceeded to jab the fork all
over his body and soon blood was pouring out of hundreds of holes.
The cannibal chief said, "My gosh man, what in the world are you
doing?" The New Yorker looked at him and said, "So much for your
freakin' canoe, ya lousy loser."
Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile
cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire
under it, and leave them there. A few minutes later, one of the
missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary
can't believe it! He says, "Whats wrong with you? We're being boiled
alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time
like this?" The other missionary says, "I just peed in the soup."
Top 25 Meals Cannibals Like to Eat:
25. Ground Chuck
24. Quiche Lorraine
23. Eyesburg Lettuce
22. Baby's Back Ribs
21. Shish-K-Bob
20. Leg O' Sam
19. Chuck Roast
18. Scrambled Legs
17. Terry Aki
16. Beans n' Frank
15. Baked Alaskan
14. Irish Stu
13. Finger Sandwiches and Mixed Nuts
12. Elbow Macaronny
11. Handburger
10. Bob-A-Que
9. Sloppy Joe
8. Big Mac
7. Moo Goo Guy in a Pan
6. Manwich
5. Rice-A-Ronny
4. Filet-o-Fred
3. Kidney Pie
2. Brownknees
And the Number One Meal Cannibals Like to Eat:
1. Spaghetti and Pete's Balls, and for dessert: Ben & Jerry